By: Henry J. Fromage –
This week I spent an inordinate amount of time on overseas Ethiopian Airlines flights catching up on, well, whatever they had.
388. Mufasa: The Lion King
Since I was going on safari, and because of the Barry Jenkins of it all, this was an easy choice. The reason why I had yet to see it, though, won out- there was no reason to do a photorealistic “live-action” (but really just animated in another fashion) remake of The Lion King, and there remains no good one to continue outside of, of course, filthy lucre. Jenkins better get at least 3 for me for this one 1 for you, as while the story picks up steam as it goes along, the “humorous” wrap-around, the uncannily singing wildlife, and the runtime all scream studio notes. I can’t imagine this is what Jenkins envisioned the result being, not because it’s terrible, but because it’s so aggressively mid. Four Beers.
389. Clown in a Cornfield
This tongue in cheek slasher doesn’t break new ground so much as have a whole lot of fun playing with the tropes of its genre. It does indeed feature a clown in a cornfield with murderous intent- several in fact- and an insular small town full of teens misbehaving to the fairly limited extent possible in such a rural setting. The vibes here are somewhere between Thanksgiving and the Scream franchise, and fans of either will find plenty to enjoy. Three Beers.
390. The Man in the White Van
The poster caught my eye on this one, but unfortunately that and some decent production values are most of what it has going for it. This is a based on a true story tale of a serial killer roaming 1970s Florida in a white van into which he abducts young women after following them menacingly. Unfortunately that’s more or less the extent of what happens over 105 draggy minutes. In true airplane movie fashion- mediocre. Four Beers.
391. Maverick
I decided to try my luck with something a bit older, and had never seen this all the way through (just bits and pieces channel-surfing in the era of such). Mel Gibson may be a right bastard, but he’s an absolute charisma cyclone playing a card sharp trying to make it to the poker game of the century, fitfully inhibited and aided by an every bit as slippery Jodie Foster and lawman with his own agenda James Garner. An old school Hollywood charm offensive. Two Beers.
392. True Crime
This, however, did not prove to be any lost classic. Clint Eastwood plays a crusty old bastard reporter and fitfully recovering alcoholic who is assigned a story about the execution of a convicted murderer. Being the kind of old school newspaperman who has a nose for a story that isn’t what it seems, he starts to pick apart the case despite there only being an already overbusy and extra stressful day to go before the deed is done. This would be a fairly standard yet still entertaining studio drama of its era if Eastwood hadn’t hilariously miscast himself in the lead- he’s 20 to 30 years too old to play the amoral yet irresistible lothario here. I suppose it’s still entertaining, but not for all of the right reasons. Four Beers.
393. Collateral Damage
Here’s another example of studio pablum from the turn of the century, here a Ahnold action vehicle in which he plays a heroic firefighter who loses his family to an idealist Colombian terrorist bomber (played by Maori icon Cliff Curtis, of course) and decides to simply head to Colombia and shoot his way to revenge there. As airplane-based entertainment goes, you can do a whole lot worse, especially as your sleep deprived brain is given a reprieve from thinking too hard about the politics and plot. Three Beers.
394. The Invitation
This Netflix-hosted horror was another good one to turn off the brain for, but having done so proved a good enough distraction. Nathalie Emmanuel plays a New York waitress who does a genetics test and finds out what we all secretly hoped we would- that she’s got a set of long-lost English relatives who are filthy rich and excited to fly her out to meet her. They just have a classically bloody ulterior motive or two is all. It’s not anything you haven’t seen plenty of times before, but it’s a not half bad rendition all the same. Three Beers.
