By: Henry J. Fromage –
It’s hodgepodge time this week as we watch some docs, some of last year’s wider releases, and, oh yeah, Bruce Willis flicks.
65. The Book of Clarence
I missed this during BFI, so it becomes an early leader for favorite 2024 film (it’ll get lapped, assuredly). As a Christian and a big Lakeith Stanfield fan, I was torn on what looked likely to be an exercise in stylish blasphemy, but director xxx shockingly threads the needle of edginess and faith with aplomb (for the record, I’m exactly as dubious of White Blonde Jesus as I am of Black Jesus, which also is the punchline of perhaps the film’s best joke). A comedic film that swings for the fences with some big ideas about the African Diaspora experience in relation to faith, religion, and liberation- they may not all connect, but they’re all well worth pondering. Two Beers.
66. Five Nights at Freddy’s
It feels a bit anticlimactic that we’re getting the adaptation of the most famous version of “Chuck-E-Cheese, but murder” after already having two others, including one starring Nic Cage, but here we are (and America was apparently here for it- with a $300 million take despite it being released on streaming at the exact same time). Anyway, this is just as mediocre as those two predecessors were, and very PG-13, but it does have top-notch production values at least. Four Beers.
67. Alienoid: Return to the Future
This sequel to the gonzo time-traveling scifi actioner Alienoid follows some of its secondary characters, but it has just as goofy a sensibility and just as much commitment to temporally mixed up and very fun action sequences. It probably won’t end up with a third installment, but if this all we get, it’s definitely one of the more out-there action franchises we’ve seen in awhile. Three Beers.
68. Last Stop Larrimah
This true crime documentary examines an unlikely unsolved disappearance and everyone expects murder case in the small Australian Outback town of Larrimah, population: 11… err 10. The years-long investigation digs into the at times fraught interpersonal relationships of these already rugged outliers of a group of humans with one bar and a whole lot of sand to keep them company. Don’t come for the closure (because you won’t get it), but stay for the personalities. Three Beers.
69. The Offering
This Hulu-hosted horror is last year’s inferior, but far from awful Jewish folk horror offering. This one is set in an Hasidic funeral home, where an old man’s body with an amulet around his neck arrives the same night the director’s son and his goyim wife show up with some ulterior motives (well on his part, anyway). There’s some fun and creepy mythology to explore, and the execution is polished if not nearly as novel. Three Beers.
70. Trust No One: The Hunt for the Crypto King
This Netflix true crime doc tells the story of crypto grifter Gerry Cotten, who raised $250 million from investors only to up and die abroad mysteriously- leaving no one the passwords to the accounts. A group of these investors and internet sleuths that gather to assist him find more strange facts and improprieties the deeper they dig, but is this all a bunch of conspiracy theorizing from some people who believed promises that were too good to be true (he definitely was losing their money) and then suffered horrific luck on top of it, or are they onto a true-life Hollywood con artist? Three Beers.
71. Hell Camp: Teen Nightmare
This maddening documentary examines the 90s phenomenon of scared straight camps, where uncontrollable teens are sent into the wilderness to be taught tough life lessons and come back changed for good. To the surprise of no one, they were instead havens for abuse, and not just the intentional abuse these probably asshole but not deserving of this kind of treatment kids’ parents signed them up for. In particular Steve Cartisano made a career out of running these camps, even after the absolute worst befell teens under his care. Two Beers.
72. Blue Beetle
I ended up watching this formerly straight-to-Max, then bumped up to theatrically released film on Max, of course. Maybe it didn’t demand being seen in theaters, but at home it was a perfectly enjoyable Third (at best) Tier superhero flick that plays up its Latin focus with aplomb, with a cast that is predominantly so except for an enjoyably vamping Susan Sarandon as the obligatory corporate villain. Xolo Maridueña demonstrates leading man chops and his boisterous family is a hoot and the real draw of the film. Three Beers.
73. The Last Boy Scout
I’m not sure why this Shane Black-written and Tony Scott-directed action film starring an in-his-prime Bruce Willis and a charismatic and clad in the worst fashions 1991 had to offer Damon Wayans has such a mediocre to bad reputation. I’m sure it was un-PC even at the time, and sure, Willis is basically just doing John McClane if he was an unredeemable asshole, but that’s fun. The whole damn thing is, and it’s not more than a sum of its parts, it’s hardly less, either. Two Beers.
74. The Jackal
Bruce Willis again, playing an emotionless killer who slips in and out of personas with ease. Yeah, that doesn’t sound quite as right as “asshole John McClane”, does it? And it’s not, with some pretty hilarious but not on purpose choices made in acting, couture, and particularly hairstyle (only matched by Richard Gere, the good guy’s, accent. Still, there’s a workmanlike action competence of its time that makes it far from unwatchable, especially with these odd elements spicing up the mix a bit. Four Beers.
75. The Pod Generation
One of last year’s Sundance releases that apparently expected bigger things that it didn’t achieve as it played out of competition and in-person only. That being said, this near-future sci-fi about a couple raising a baby ex utero, as is all the rage in the future, does do a great job of extrapolating out the current world into a well-designed and believable society that comments on our own. It’s worth the watch for the world-building alone, but the perspective is interesting as well. Three Beers.
76. Smoking Causes Coughing
At this point, you’re in on Quentin Dupieux, or you’re out. I’m very much in. His latest 75 minute absurdist comedy sees a team of Power Rangers-esque superheroes with all the cancer-causing powers of cigarettes (they don’t smoke themselves, smoking causes coughing (and death), you see) defeat their latest rubber-suited foe, then go on a camping retreat while awaiting orders from their disgusting rat Bosley (he’s a literal drooling rat, but he does have quite a suave voice). Then the learn a supervillain’s plan to destroy the world is about to achieve inevitable success. Mostly they just tell bizarre “scary” stories around the campfire, though. It’s great. A Toast.
77. American Nightmare
Netflix true crime again, although the crime here turns out to not be the salacious narrative that the police jump on disturbingly quickly. A man frantically phones the police to tell them that wetsuit-wearing kidnappers abducted his girlfriend, an admittedly bizarre story that he’s pretty adamant about. As suspicion goes from the statistically likely (he, the boyfriend) to stranger places (full on Gone Girl), the police become more blinkered. Full of twists and turns, but in the end an unconscionable miscarriage of justice, this one will keep you rapt. Two Beers.
78. Self Reliance
Jake Johnson gets behind the camera (but also stars in front of it) in this story of a sadsack dude who’s offered the chance to take part in a kind of Most Dangerous Game- if he can avoid being killed by a group of hunters for 30 days, he wins a million dollars. The reason he agrees is a seeming loophole- he can’t be killed when in the company of another person- but he finds that’s not as sure a thing as he thought when his friends and family don’t believe him (especially when he insists on following them into the bathroom). Funny yet full of unexpected pathos, it’s recognizably a Jake Johnson film, and there’s nothing with that. Two Beers.
79. The Whole Nine Yards
Hey, Bruce Wills again, this time playing a bad guy once more as a Chicago mob hitman-turned-informant who escapes to Montreal and moves in next to a mild-mannered dentist played by Matthew Perry (kind of a sad cast, eh?) with a shrill French Canadian wife from hell who hates his guts (Rosanna Arquette) and a secretary who may be more psychopathic than the rest of them (Amanda Peet, having fun). This is the kind of comedy where characterization and plot take a back seat to wackiness, and that wackiness is more wacky than funny. No misunderstood classic here. Five Beers.
80. Haunted Mansion
I was always going to watch this for two reasons: Lakeith Stanfield and Justin Simien (although Danny DeVito and Tiffany Haddish aren’t a bad couple of backup reasons- actually this whole cast is fun, even an I-hope-you-didn’t-pay-much-for-him-because-he’s-all-CGI Jared Leto). It’s almost like a Disney-fied haunted house ride isn’t the greatest basis for a movie, as the second time’s gotta be the anti-charm here (maybe the fact it’s over 2 hours is the real problem here- that’s just irresponsible). Anyway, glad I missed it in theaters, but it played perfectly fine as background noise. Three Beers.
