Conrad & Crab: Idiotic Gems (2026) Movie Drinking Game
Take a Drink: for drinks
Take a Drink: whenever poor Conrad brings up taking in the sights
Take a Drink: for each interview
Take a Drink: for dogs
Do a Shot: for each new language spoken
By: Henry J. Fromage (Two Beers) –
Comedy is an extremely relative thing person to person, made even more so by cultural differences- it can be difficult for it to translate internationally. I’m always down to give one from another country a shot, though, if just to evaluate this.
I’m lifting this description of Conrad & Crab: Idiotic Gems straight from the Unifrance website, because it’s, well, a gem:
“Alain Crab and Francis Conrad, two detectives from the Criminal Investigation Department, are transferred to the small town of Saint-Marie-aux-Mines. New to the area, they soon find themselves entangled in an investigation surrounding the theft of a priceless opal. Looking for the jewel, they might end up finding the true gem of all, love.”
A Toast
Right from the beginning, we’re dropped into Conrad & Crab’s professional and personal relationship and left to infer and discover its details. The film has a rambling, almost off the cuff energy- much of it feels unscripted, perhaps improvised from an outline. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear some of it was even shot guerilla-style or at least with non-professional actors.
The effect is endearing and very watchable, even if it stops somewhat short of the hilarity implied by the rather silly title. The greater treat turns out to be the immersion in this bucolic French Medieval town and its environs.
The plot does find a fertile environment for small crimes- a small gem show combining high value, easily portable goods and a lax security environment. The investigation is as passively ambling as the comic aims, and the love part seems mostly to be housed in the brain of Crab and his desires to rekindle a past romance with the police chief, although when Conrad starts to stealthily see someone it rouses Crab’s suspicions that the days of their own partnership may be numbered.
The film’s aims do start to come into focus near the end, though- it’s a story of a codependent relationship between police partners who are likely nearing the end of their careers, and have different ideas about what that means. They’re still clearly more alike than different in their effective but undeniable idiocy, though.
Beer Two
This flick is perhaps a big too shaggy. It’s very low-key- nobody’s in too much of a hurry in this town, in this investigation, nor in this movie.
Verdict
Conrad & Crab: Idiotic Gems is a genial French comedy about a mismatched pair of inspectors and the small town crime that threatens their friendship.
