By: Henry J. Fromage and Movieboozer Staff & Contributors –
2020 boasted plenty of amazing cinema… and just as many abominations that amused and horrified. Strap in and prepare yourself for the very worst this year had to offer:
Alex Phuong
10. The Witches
9. The Wrong Missy
8. The Call of the Wild
7. Hubie Halloween
6. Breach/Hard Kill/Survive the Night
5. Music
4. The Tax Collector
3. Fantasy Island
2. Dolittle
1. Absolute Proof
10. Money Plane: More of a disappointment than anything else as this had the potential to be a wonderful bad movie, but is just a pretty good bad movie, mostly due to Kelsey Grammar going full Scarface as a character named Darius Emmanuel Grouch the III, A.K.A. “The Rumble”. Adam Copeland (WWE’s “Edge”), plays the action (?) hero and spends 3/4 of the movie sitting in a cockpit Skyping with Grammar.
9. Cagefighter: Worlds Collide: How about another movie starring wrestlers? This dollar store bin Rocky knockoff drags and drags until the eventual predictable conclusion. Even Queen Gina Gershon can’t save it.
8. A Wrestling Christmas Miracle: You’re probably sensing a theme here, but rest assured, this one has very little to do with wrestling despite the title. Self-proclaimed “Renaissance man” Ken Del Vecchio followed up his insane A Karate Christmas Miracle with the equally batshit A Wrestling Christmas Miracle. Enjoy this heartwarming family film complete with a kid in a coma, a coup in the Congo, and Gilbert Gottfried!
7. Brahms: The Boy II: This unnecessary sequel to 2016’s surprisingly decent The Boy stars Katie Holmes and Jared Kushner and undoes the one interesting twist that made the original surprisingly decent.
6. 365 Days: If you’re looking for an excuse to watch pretty people repeatedly get it on but don’t want to be bothered with things like good acting and writing, you couullld watch this 50 Shades ripoff. Or you could just go straight to p*rn.
5. Guest House: You probably hadn’t heard of this abomination starring Pauly Shore. If so, you are lucky. I wish I hadn’t. So bad I almost shut it off halfway through.
4. Holidate: Congratulations Last Christmas! You no longer hold the title of “Worst Recent Holiday Movie!” At least that one had some heart (oh noo, I just realized what I did there) unlike this lazy and trying way too hard to be raunchy lump of coal. I’m embarrassed for everyone in it.
3. Verotika: I would have thought this whole um, movie, was an intentionally bad goof, but it’s by Glenn Danzig who does not have a sense of humor. Or know how to say the word “cut.”
2. Coffee & Kareem: I had erased this from my mind until going through a list of films released in 2020 and had a flashback to that day early on during lockdown when I made the fateful decision to check out what looked like a new, cute comedy on Netflix. The 88 minutes that followed made me feel even more hopeless than I already was.
1. The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson: There’s garbage and then there is this. Not even worth a hate watch.
In the year of “Quarantainment” I watched over 70 films, these are some of the worst I saw.
9. Wonder Woman 1984: Who knew Wonder Woman would have so much in common with Brandon Cronenberg’s film from this year, Possessor.
8. The Little Things: Could’ve been a good film. I don’t know what Rami Malek is doing in this film. The third act is infuriating.
7. Lost Girls & Love Hotels: The trailer made me excited for the film and interested to read the book. However, I was supremely bored throughout the film.
6. Deadly Mile High Club: Technically a lifetime movie, but in the year of Quarantainment TV and Film melded into one thanks to streaming. Also, yes, you should watch this one. It’s a so bad it’s good.
5. Underwater: Just an all-around mess. It could’ve been decent to pretty good, but it falls short.
4. Bloodshot: Oh Vin Diesel, he grumbles through this film as well. Some decent CGI work at least in this one.
3. The Honeymoon Phase: What started as an intriguing premise dived into a lazy third act.
2. Street Survivors: The True Story of the Lynyrd Skynyrd Plane Crash: With the setup of a great true story in the world of Rock n Roll there should be no way this film could fail. This story and Lynyrd Skynyrd deserved much more.
1. Money Plane: This was so close to being a so bad it’s good film. If you watch this movie for anything it should be for Kelsey Grammer doing whatever it is he’s doing as Darius Emmanuel Grouch the III, A.K.A. “The Rumble”. Also, how much did they pay Denise Richards to be in two scenes?
Henry J. Fromage
10. No. 7 Cherry Lane: This might be my most controversial pick, a genuine arthouse hit for some folks, but after like the third animated nude scene I felt like I was watching something directed by the dirty old man from Family Guy, and the weirdly herky jerky animated style, like they just took out every 10th frame at random, didn’t help my enjoyment.
9. A Karate Christmas Miracle: Kenneth del Vecchio is basically Neil Breen if he was a Trumper, and this mash-up of a story starring his kid who’s convinced he can his missing Dad back if he gets a black belt by Christmas and footage from a completely unrelated killer clown movie about gun control or something is as good an introduction to him as any. I’m a fan.
8. Me You Madness: Steve Mnuchin’s private jet controversy-stirring actress wife went and directed her own neon-splashed tongue-in-cheek version of American Psycho may be secretly brilliant and yet remains eminently hateable. I’ll let you decide whether it’s all the worst things on purpose or on accident.
7. Money Plane: Eight words :Darius Emmanuel Grouch the III, A.K.A. “The Rumble”. Kelsey Grammar’s oft-repeated villain’s name is far and above the best thing about this otherwise pretty cheap and forgettable heist film starring The Edge, but it’s a pretty great thing.
6. Dolittle: Remember those pre-COVID days when debating whether this or Cats was the worst thing to hit the country that winter was all the rage? Well, world events may have taken over a bit since then, but I haven’t forgotten how Robert Downey, Jr. cashed in those Iron Man star chips on a movie that culminates in him pulling bagpipes out of a CGI dragon’s rectum. Never forget.
5. 365 Days: I almost missed out on including 2020’s hottest valentine to Stockholm Syndrome on this list, but after watching it last week there’s no way I can keep it off of it. Come for the sexual politics that make 50 Shades look like a Margaret Atwood novel, stay for that rare and magical mix of high production values and shocking filmmaking ineptitude.
4. Verotika: Speaking of sexually icky and inept, Danzig directed a film last year. Based on his clearly Heavy Metal-inspired Verotik comic book line, this anthology starts with a lady with human eyes for nipples getting strangled by a naked spider-man and just becomes less coherent and more repulsive from there. Anyway, looking forward to Danzig’s next as well.
3. The Jesus Rolls: Speaking of sexually icky and inept… okay, this year’s Worst Of may have a theme. In any case, for some reason the Coens and Jeff Bridges gave their blessing to John Turturro to create a film based on his The Big Lebowski The Jesus character and he proceeded to hawk a big loogy in their eye by adapting a 1970s French sex farce instead of doing literally anything original with the property. If you happen to hate a Lebowsky fan on a deeply personal and irreparable level, though…
2. Governor Gabbi: Whispers of this in explicably amateurish political comedy about a young girl who gets elected Governor when the results of the gubernatorial election get mixed up with those of a baking content started circulating early in the year, and like a gasoline-soaked moth to flame I was right on it. Even later learning this was a German production trying to pass as an American film does nothing whatsoever to explain how a group of human beings could spend any amount of time and money and end up with something so lame.
1. Fight of Fury: I don’t have it in my heart to put the least entertaining and most awful film I saw last year in the number one slot, so I instead have to go with the one film that best encapsulated the So Bad It’s Good ethos. BabyRuth put me on Shuny Bee’s triumphant debut, accurately dubbing it The Miami Connection meets The Room, and I don’t believe I got a better present all year.
