Warrior Nun (Season 1) TV Drinking Game & Review
Down a Shot: for each one of Ava’s inner monologues
Down a Shot: each time a member of the clergy appears onscreen
Down a Shot:: each time Shotgun Mary utters something cool or snarky
By: Vidal D’costa (Six Pack) –
An adaptation of a manga by the same name, this show features a secret sect of nuns who are fitted with a divine halo that grants them superpowers and are enlisted by the clergy to fend off evil forces. Ava Silva, a troubled teenager, is also forcibly brought back from the dead to lead the warrior nuns in their crusade against evil.
A Toast
Shotgun Mary (played by Toya Turner) is a timely spot of light in an ultimately bleak attempt at what could have been such an epic show, even if she still undergoes Netflix’s tokenist procedure of being sidelined in favour of a flavourless protagonist (more on that one later). Seriously, though, this character has so much going on for her- she’s funny, snarky when the situation calls for it, knows her way around weapons, and is a total baddie after my own heart- WHY ISN’T SHE THE BLOOMING PROTAGONIST??!!
Compared to every other actor in this abysmal show who all sound like they’re doing their best/worst at reading their lines directly off a teleprompter or just sleep-walking through their roles, Turner and Kristina Tonteri-Young as Shotgun Mary and Sister Beatrice respectively are probably also the only cast members who impress with their performances.
Beer Two
I believe it was Jesus who once decreed- “Thou shalt not bore thine viewers with borderline tedium-inducing shows with threadbare plot and lack of character motivations/progression”. And this Netflix offering with a promising concept commits that very cardinal sin & I feel like a sinner myself for thinking it could get any better post episode 1. Even when I fast-forwarded through most of the episodes, it still felt like I was falling down an endless, unbearable void. I required the patience of at least ten different saints to get through the first 4 episodes and it’s a miracle I even survived most of it!
I may sound a tad dramatic, but I have to admit when I heard the concept of nuns with superpowers fighting evil, I genuinely hoped with fingers crossed and rosary beads in hand that the combination of sloppy screenwriting and the studio choice (Netflix) wouldn’t doom it. Unfortunately, my worst fears did indeed come true and despite its enticing title, there is nothing memorable or novel about Warrior Nun.
The warrior nuns themselves are relegated to playing second fiddle to a less than impressive protagonist Ava (played by Alba Baptista), who follows the cookie-cutter structure of every young adult protagonist ever portrayed in run of the mill Netflix shows before it. Ava also oscillates between the quirkiest pick-me girl in existence to the most monotone girl on the planet, a trait that is shared with the tone of the show which also oscillates between predictable YA fare and underwhelming fantasy adventure. Even Ava’s inner monologues are proof that the showrunner Simon Barry probably has never crossed paths with an actual human female in his life.
Beer Three
As expected from almost every Netflix venture, the verbal exposition and voiceover narration is unsurprisingly upped to 11 and this neither serves any purpose with regards to world-building nor impressive storytelling and doesn’t lend to character development or dynamics. In fact, every time Ava’s inner monologues chimed in, I felt the feminine urge to yell ‘STFU!’ at the screen!
Beer Four
The side characters are just as shallow and one-dimensional as the protagonist and the subplots seem like they were blatantly lifted from other piss-poor and bland YA shows, mainly acting as filler or to force a romance subplot between Ava and an encroacher named JC who waxes poetic about classism between the elites and the encroacher community, all while Ava objectifies him and spouts some more cringe-inducing and unrealistic-sounding inner monologues (this particular scene makes my list of Top 10 Most Obvious Instances of ‘men writing women’, by the way).
Beer Five
Also, if you were looking for something more high octane/action driven, then you’re better off watching an MCU flick. There’s a bit of stuntwork featuring the sect of warrior nuns in the first few minutes of episode 1, but then we’re left high and dry since the writers chose to focus more on spoonfeeding lore to viewers and pointless shots of Ava just fetishizing over sand and/or boring the audience with her lack of personality and her monotonous inner monologues (I now have a clear visual of what the seventh circle of hell must be like).
Beer Six
Also, is it just me or did anyone else detect an obvious attempt at dubbing over Alba Baptista/Ava with a shoddy American accent, despite the character hailing from Spain and the actor herself originally belonging to Portuguese nationality?
Verdict
Shotgun Mary can baptize me any day, but I certainly don’t see myself tuning in for a second season any time soon. In fact, I’ve probably attended catechism classes that were a lot more enjoyable than this show.
