Half Girlfriend (2017) Movie Drinking Game
Down a Shot: each time the oh so stealthy lovebirds saunter off for a picnic atop India Gate. Again, the tourism board should really invest in better security.
Down a Shot: each time you find yourself questioning why Shailesh is such a scum-weasel. My absolute favourite theory is that he might be closeted and is just super into his roommate. In all fairness, though, my idea about two closeted roommates fighting over the same girl while also attempting to come to terms with their repressed sexuality and unlearning toxic masculine traits would have been an infinitely better movie altogether!
Down a Shot: each time Madhav breaks into a speech about women’s empowerment despite being an absolute scum-weasel/incel!
Down a Shot: each time an unnervingly dead-eyed CGI Bill Gates shows up onscreen.
Down a Shot: each time a filler montage starts to roll or there is some shameless product placement thrown in.
By: Vidal D’Costa (Five Beers) –
Madhav, a sociology major from a small town in Bihar, wants to learn English and he also desperately craves a girlfriend. Fellow classmate and basketball enthusiast Riya Somani agrees to teach him English. In scenes that are beyond illogical, they also sneak off to stargaze from atop the India Gate monument (lax security? We’ll never know). Unfortunately she doesn’t reciprocate his feelings and labels herself as his ‘half girlfriend’ instead (and yes, it does lead to one of Madhav’s creepy friends asking him ‘which half?’). Meanwhile Madhav’s roommate Shailesh attempts to sabotage this blossoming relationship and as a result both Madhav and his beloved half girlfriend drift apart. A few years later, Madhav’s trying to secure a grant with the man, Bill Gates himself, and one thing leads to another and he’s now in New York trying to track down his half girlfriend who is trying to pursue a music career, but also doesn’t wish to be found.
P.S. I bullshit you not, this is the least convoluted manner in which I could summarize this shallow, pathetic excuse for a movie that is adapted from the novel by Chetan Bhagat, who also pens the screenplay. It is utterly devoid of charm and features plenty of problematic aspects that I just can’t overlook, so buckle the fuck up!
A Toast
The lead pair of Shraddha Kapoor and Arjun Kapoor turn in decent performances, especially with the script that’s been handed to them. Arjun Kapoor plays Madhav and he is better at exuding awkward simp energy than he is at conveying the intensity of a crazed lover, while Shraddha does justice to Riya, who is essentially a one-dimensional quirky girl trope.
Vikrant Massey is an absolute show-stealer as per usual as the conniving Shailesh. Listening to Massey switching between his character’s impeccable and polished English speaking voice and his natural Bihari Hindi accent during his intense tongue-lashings against Madhav feel like a sheer masterclass in acting and intonation and the 2-3 scenes that he features in are honestly the most memorable aspect of this forgettable mess. Rhea Chakraborty as Anshika also turns in a rather convincing performance. The soundtrack, too, is commendable.
Beer Two
The characters in this movie are the sort whom you wouldn’t bother giving the time of day if you met them in the street or if you knew them in real life. None of them seem to have been written with any redeeming qualities whatsoever (except for Anshika whom I actually felt extremely sympathetic towards). Madhav is the kind of man who can’t take no for an answer, but who paints himself as a martyr when rejected, so not really the kind of guy you’d take home to meet anyone. In one scene, he is even painted as the quintessential hero who respects all women-kind, but all this showcases is the unfathomable hypocrisy of a man who just in an earlier scene displayed predatory behaviour by attempting to sexually assault his lady love/half girlfriend. It feels less like an actual attempt at women empowerment and more like an attempt to cover up the character’s sleazy actions from both the female characters in this movie and the audience too.
Riya, the half girlfriend, on the other hand is a commitmentphobe who strings the pathetic Madhav along, ghosting him and even going to the extent of faking her own death from blood cancer. In the process, she even ends up breaking her own mother’s heart… And this is a sweet and vulnerable lady who raised Riya despite facing physical and verbal abuse from an insufferable and cold-hearted husband. While I do feel a tad sympathetic towards Riya’s plight of coming from a broken family, this character also never truly apologizes for her own toxic actions towards Madhav either. None of the aforementioned characters’ choices/actions can be justified, but they are are also severely romanticized in the movie to the extent that I suffered from a severe migraine from it all! Riya’s aforementioned emotional baggage, too, is sidelined in favour of the problematic romantic interest and a lackluster romance track that lacks depth.
The most sinister of the lot is Shailesh, who is an absolute mastermind in the art of seducing a woman (sarcasm, by the way) and is actually the one who suggests that Madhav should sexually assault Riya in an attempt to figure out whether she actually loves him or not. The only way I can describe this character and his motives (or lack thereof) is that he is the male equivalent of a Karen. If you have friends like these who suggest such predatory tactics, please be sure that you blindfold them and throw them off the India Gate just to spare yourself the toxicity! Speaking of Karens, the less I say about Madhav’s mother (played by veteran actress Seema Biswas) the better, but let’s just say that the apple does not fall far from the tree in this case.
There are no complex characters or even any layered, nuanced characterisation to be found within this utterly clichéd movie that doesn’t even bother rising beyond its clichés, at subverting its tropes, or even succeeding in providing viewers with real and tangible characters whom they could or should root for in the way that far better romance movies such as Bridget Jones or shows revolving around similar themes such as Broken But Beautiful did. While I do appreciate the non-linear approach to storytelling, due to the barely existent characterisation and the pointless storyline, the movie just lacked an overall immersive quality.
Beer Three
Half Girlfriend tries its hardest to make viewers care for the characters and their circumstances by incorporating every issue under the sun- from women empowerment to socioeconomic privileges, but barely scratches the surface of either topic.
Beer Four
The snail’s pace only made me want to doze off or switch off the movie and what’s worse is that the movie just feels like a compilation of lovey-dovey montages of our lead pair set to some beautiful ballads without any real build-up to their relationship at all. There is also some very obvious product placement for minty fresh toothpaste thrown in for good measure, so if the montages weren’t enough to act as a filler/substitute for an actually decent plot, then these will surely hit the spot!
Beer Five
I hope that the team behind the piss poor CGI abomination that was supposed to be in the likeness of Bill Gates were fired on the spot and/or thrown off the India Gate immediately.
Verdict
As basketball enthusiasts would put it- Hard pass!
