By: Vidal D’costa (Six Pack) –
Sierra Burgess is a Loser Drinking Game
Do a Shot: during the iconic ‘Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a teenage girl & look like this?!’ outburst by none other than Sierra Sociopath Burgess. Ugh… cry me a river of crocodile tears, Sierra! I felt bad for her parents during this scene. Cameron Frye done raised a murderer.
Do a Shot: every time Veronica’s cryptic mum spins yet another yarn about how Veronica’s dad died… or didn’t die(?) Guess we’ll never know the truth. I smell murder.
Do a Shot: every time Veronica’s sisters tease her as ‘Moronica’. I’m such a sadist & definitely going to hell for laughing at that insult.
Throw Up & Ingest a Mint: because you just watched a movie that endorses being a toxic bitch as well as being a cyber-criminal.
Movie Review
An underdog story of a struggling (you’ll soon know why that word’s in italics. Just read on) high school girl named Sierra Burgess who wants to bang the hottest boy in high school (been there, done that… wink-wink!) but for that, she must catfish her way into his pants with the help of her frenemy, mean girl Veronica. A typical coming of age romance … But with infused catfishing.
A Toast
I’ll admit that Sierra Burgess is a Loser does have better acting than other Netflix movies I’ve dared to sample. Shannon Purser (aka Barb from Stranger Things) is a promising actor & Noah Centeneo delivers in the good looks & charm department which is appealing to this movie’s teen audience. Kristine Froseth is effective as the mean cheerleader who undergoes a crash course in character development along the way. Also, RJ Cyler as Dan is possibly the best friend you could ask for as he tries his best to talk sense into his pal Sierra as well as make sense of her fishy schemes instead of being an enabler.
The movie also had great potential to be a horror slasher movie with Sierra as the main villain & Centeneo’s Jamey as the ‘final girl’ if the people behind it hadn’t chosen to portray Sierra as the heroine & not opted for the romance route. I’d have watched that with relish!
And it has two of my favorite actors from the 80s- Alan Ruck (ma boi Cameron Frye from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) & Lea Thompson from Back to the Future in it as Sierra’s caring parents, so seeing them on-screen was a refreshing burst of nostalgia in itself.
Beer Two
Sierra Burgess is not a loser. She’s just a borderline manipulative psycho creep. A nut job. Got a few bricks missing from her building. Deserves to be strait-jacketed stat! Whatever psych ward terminology you wanna use. & she’s portrayed as the HEROINE in the movie. The victim & the one we’re supposed to root for, she catfishes & lies & manipulates & paints herself as a martyr, using her ‘loser’ status and insecurities as an excuse to get away with it. No real character development whatsoever. I’m pretty sure that’s how all super villains got their start. By being wolves in Sierra Burgess clothing.
Beer Three
Veronica is an accomplice to Sierra’s crimes. How is that not brought up? Her sad af backstory of growing up with a pageant mum & annoying pageant sisters does make one feel sympathetic towards her, but in the end, she is an accomplice to the catfishing of one Noah ‘hotstuff’ Centeneo/Jamey.
Beer Four
I’m all for pursuing a lover, but cyber stalking, lying about your identity online, or catfishing is the most illegal way to go about it. And this movie legit endorses it. Considering that this is Netflix’s equivalent of a coming of age Disney romance targeted towards tech-savvy teens, a spurned teen cyber-criminal desperate for love & attention is probably not the best choice of role model here. Also, crime pays & although the saccharine song ‘Sunflower’ is a bop & Shannon Purser has a great singing voice, covering up Sierra’s crimes with a song is just cringey.
Beer Five
The last time I cringed at a nonconsensual make out scene was when Harrison Ford forcefully pressed his lips against that robo chick played by Sean Young in the first Blade Runner. Sierra Burgess has a cringier version of that scene, but with the genders reversed.
Beer Six
I’m a huge fan of redheads. They’re my favorite hair color, & I dig redheads with freckles too. I’ve long been an admirer of the ginger community. They’ve given us gems like Conan O’Brien, Catherine Tate, Scott Grimes, Jessica Chastain, & so many other people whom I wish I was besties with. But this movie doesn’t do them any favors. It paints them in the worst light. I went in rooting for Sierra- the freckled girl with locks like amber flames… But ended up wanting to issue an amber alert against her.
Verdict
Dear Sierra Burgess, you’re ginger, you’re freckled, you’ve got some smart kick-arse comebacks and can stand up for yourself, you’re intelligent with curves in all the right places (as Meghan Trainor put it best), & you obviously know your way around tech. Please use your aforementioned powers for good.
Also, this movie will make you drink yourself to death. Stay away, & parents, please shield your young ones from it. There are better coming of age romances with underdog characters to root for out there. This is not it.
Last but not least, since Sierra Burgess gives love as well as freckled gingers a bad name, I believe her punishment should rightfully come from a higher force regarded as a God among all bullied & freckled gingers. So, here’s Coco Christopher O’Brien giving the movie as well as the character a well-deserved middle finger on behalf of all gingerkind:
